Dear Winnie, I have a 24-year-old daughter who has 2 kids ages 2 and 1. I put her out of the house three times because she’s disrespectful. The last straw was when we had fight. She’s been put out of every shelter she’s been in. Now she’s back at my house. I really don’t want her here. She’s still hardheaded, with no control over her kids. I work and my younger daughter is in school. I hate to leave my 24-year-old at home while we’re gone. What should I do? Reese
I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time with your daughter. It’s clear that you love your daughter and grandchildren. But, it sounds like you need a plan to help you both.
For you, self-care is important:
- Be sure to set boundaries for your self, your space and your time.
- It sounds like you’re doing this already but you should always be clear about your needs, your rules for the house and your expectations for your relationship with your daughter.
- Talk to a close friend, family member or someone from church about what you’re dealing with. It’s important not to keep your feelings bottled up. University of Detroit Mercy offers free counseling services.
For your daughter, help her set some goals and take charge of her life. Here are my suggestions:
- Work with her to create a vision board. On a piece of paper she can paste pictures of things she wants for her life goals (Hopefully they will relate to things like her education, having a job and finding her own home!) Have her research how to reach each of her goals. The picture below shows a WIN Network participant making a #winnspiration board.
- Encourage her to focus on being the best parent she can be ( The Central Detroit Christian organization offers free parenting classes, support groups and child care items. Parents.com has articles on child discipline methods).
- Come together to create a plan for her to move out, including setting a reasonable move out date together (say in 2 or 3 months, for example). She can look into applying for government assisted housing or find an affordable new place to stay. This WIN Network article and another one here speak more about housing option. Here are more resources:
i. RENT ASSISTANCE :
ii. LOW INCOME HOUSING:
iii. WIC OFFICES
Please feel free to contact our wonderful community health worker, Nada, at 313-282-5245. After listening to your concerns more in detail she may be able to point you in an even better direction.
I hope this information helps!